Leo's Lecture-Saturday School

Okay class, settle down.
Settle down.

SETTLE DOWN!!!!!

Okay, that's better.   Idiots...

Ahem.

Today, I will begin Saturday School. It's a school designed to force you into highly uncomfortable positions to torture you  teach you the art of bending into cat poses.

Today, the position we will be learning is called the Curvy-Sun-Paw. Here is a demonstration.

As you can see, you bend yourself into a distinct curve and raise one paw at at 89 degree angle.

So, let's begin.

Step one: Find an armchair with armrests that are close together. The closer the better.
Step two: Sprawl out in between the armrests.

The next part is very hard. Pay close attention!

Step three: Curve your body at a 160 degree angle, so that you can rest your back paws comfortably against the armrest. MAKE SURE THEY ARE FIRMLY PRESSED AGAINST THE ARMREST OR YOU MAY FIND YOUR ANNOYING PETS POKING YOUR PAW PADS.

Step four: Twist your head slightly to the side and keep your nose 3cm away from the other armrest.
Step five: Adjust your front right leg so it disappears in between your fur and the armchair.
Step six: Stick your other front leg straight out into the air.
Step seven: Curve your paw at an 89 degree angle.
Step eight: This part is very important. You must carefully move your tail out to the left side and make sure to straighten it out as much as you can. If you fail to do this, you may find your position very uncomfortable.

Done! If you see any of your annoying pets approaching to pet the royal belly, flip over immediately and hiss until they leave. Then repeat! It is a very comfortable position for catching sun rays.

-Leo

I have a box (another word from the Great Philosopher Leo)

I have a box. Not "I can haz box?" Contrary to the popular (and stupid, I may add) belief, we cats can spell. It annoys me so much when humans know that they can't spell because they are too dumb, and blame it on smart, sophisticated, cats. We are so benevolent as to allow these embarrassing images to remain.

-Leo

P.S-My rude pets are trying to steal it, saying they need to return a computer. Can you believe this? A computer is more important than me. A COMPUTER.

EVIL STALKERS, And A Word From the Great Philosopher Leo.

These people are stalkers. The one time I was at peace with the world, they come with their mad, black, clicking things. They call them cam...cram....crem...what's the word? Oh yeah, cameras.

So anyway, here I am, just calmly chilling in a blanket, at peace for once. No students, no annoying yells of Leo.

 

And then they come and begin madly clicking away. They told me they would send the cute pictures of me to our relatives far, far, away.

I hope that they stay far, far, away. I don't need more humans.

Ahem.

As I said before, I am not cute.

NO.

Not cute.

So anyways, they woke me up with all the stupid flashing lights. I meowed at them to go away, but there primitive minds cannot understand such sophisticated language as the language of cats.

I mean, really, they all talk in different languages. There's a whole bunch of random, weird sounding languages. It would be smarter to use one language that everyone can understand. We cats are aristocratic, smart, beings, and we never fight against each other and believe we are all gods.

Hey!!!! Hey! Would you look at that? Come back here, thief!!!
That cat just stole my favourite blanket! Hey! Excuse me while I go fight him and get it back.

Leo, what were you saying about never fighting each other again?

Hey! Not your business, you rude pet.

The Great Philosopher,
Leo

Mewl

While my pets were out for a walk, I created a book about me and my true (ahem) adventures around the globe. This is mandatory as I need more money to take care of my pets, what with all their reckless spending on clothing. Why don't they just grow fur like me? It's safe for the environment, and doesn't cost as much. I shall have to speak with them about this. Humans are insensitive, ungrateful morons. They should be honored to serve a wonderful, brave, amazing, super, awesome, independent, great, universally admired, adorable (bleh), diligent, proud, sociable, forgiving, kind, nice, rad, cool, sensible, creative, smart, compassionate, amusing, broad-minded, honest, handsome, intelligent, optimistic, polite, self-disciplined, thoughtful, humble, understanding, witty, loving, loyal, generous, fun, epic, patient, energetic, fearle--STOP WITH THE SELF-PRAISE ALREADY!!!!!

Excuse me, that was one of my rude pets interrupting my humble self-assessment.

So, anyway... 

Here is the first book of the wonderful new series, Leo's Books!

You should all be honored that I have allowed you an exclusive sneak peek.

Wait...is that a laser pointer I see?


-Leo