Under-appreciation

I don't get this. After I was done in the litter box, I carefully kicked out exactly 500g of litter around my litter box in an intricate, beautiful formation. I then proceeded to trap some litter between my paws, and spread my paws at exactly the right moments to make wonderful, lovely decorations to disguise their horrible, scratched up (not my fault) black carpet. Sure, it's nice to scratch on, but that's not the point.
ANYWAY, as I stepped back to admire by handiwork, THE STUPID, INSOLENT SERVANTS I took in so long ago (oh what a mistake that was) yelled "Leo! You tracked litter all through the house!" and uttered disgusting things while they vacuumed up my Masterpiece.

HOW COULD THEY? They don't appreciate my art! Hah! It's the same with my kibble. Nothing makes me angrier than watching them feast on roasted chicken while I get tasteless, disgusting, "hairball control"dry kibble, and sometimes some sort of pasty meat. It's actually quite delicious, but you know what I mean. Hair ball Control! Hah! A) it's a beautiful work of art, B) They're the ones who need Hairball Control, what with the strands of hair EVERYWHERE! I was going to post a lovely picture, but Miss I-am-so-important Christina decided SHE had the right to erase it? Why does SHE go through MY private blog anyway? I don't recall giving HER permission.

And another thing. Miss Christina I'm-so-high-and-mighty Skylarina has BRAINWASHED me into associating the scent of cooking onion with edible, marvelous meat. Now, she tempts me by frying onion WITHOUT MY meat, and then has the NERVE to look surprised and yells at me to go away and let HER eat! Hah! The nerve of her! Doesn't she know I'm always superior to her and her hunger? Why am I supposed to care if she doesn't want to eat meat for dinner? I want meat, and that's all that counts! She doesn't appreciate my genorsity of letting HER eat at all!

I am so under appreciated in this household!

Leo

New Carpet!!!

Yay! I got a new carpet!

Warm and fuzzy, nice to rub your feet against, vibrations to massage your feet. Get yours today!

-Christina





I am most certainly NOT a carpet. You see that thing near my paw? Yeah? Well, it's a heater, and nice, warm, air comes out of it. Therefore, I sprawled out to absorb some hot air! There isn't a moment of peace in this house!

-Leo

Argh! The insolence in this house has reached the breaking point!

I. CAN'T. BELIEVE. THIS.

THESE...THESE...UNGRATEFUL INSOLENT CREATURES!

I allowed them to live in my house for a whole 16 years, and allowed them to wait on me, the king of kings.

I had only one condition. (Other than food, water, the right kind of treats, my litter box being scooped a millisecond after I go, a clean dish at all times, food on hand at all times, 24/7 hours of stroking, scratching behind my ears (but only for 34 seconds), scratching under my chin(48 seconds), etc.)

 See? Barely anything!

Anyway, they were to keep all the furniture in its rightful place.

Not only did they suddenly pack me up and drag me all the way from Russia to Canada 5 years ago, but now they DARE to put away an important relic from my kitten hood!

They grabbed a beautiful, totally not ripped up couch (and my favourite one) and chucked it out! The same day they stuck two ugly, weird-smelling, linen armchairs. Their excuse for it was "it's nice and breezy now that the old, torn, couch in front of the window is gone! We won't be hot anymore!"

Who CARES about whether you're hot or not? Deal with it! Warmth is awesome.

Besides I'm wayyyyyy more important than some lowly servants.
They changed my favourite couch and expect ME TO LIE ON IT!


Give me back my couch! How insolent can you get? After all the blood, sweat, and tears I poured into saving you and giving you a home you DARE to disobey me! ARGH!

-Leo

Nope.

"Leo! Look here!"

"Nope."

"Okay :("

Those insolent beings tested my patience twice today. TWICE.

 CAN YOU BELIEVE THE OUTRAGEOUS MANNER THEY ARE BEHAVING IN?


I was just picking up the newspaper to read today when they grabbed it from me, saying "Leo, don't bite the newspaper!"

And I said, "I'm not biting it! I'm picking it up!!"

Then one particularly insolent pet began pretending to read it, even though they can't read.

But I got my revenge.

Now, let me warn you, I'm normally a very nice and forgiving cat, but today they drove me crazy! I got so mad, I unsheathed my claws, leaped through the air, and landed, hissing, onto the insolent pet's face.

It got so scared, it dropped the newspaper, and I quickly picked it up and went back to my armchair by the fire.

Here's me:

I get the best armchair because I'm the master of the house.

Ugh, now they're yelling at me to get up.

I must go now to let those gormless idiots know I will decide where and when I will sit.
-Leo

EVIL STALKERS, And A Word From the Great Philosopher Leo.

These people are stalkers. The one time I was at peace with the world, they come with their mad, black, clicking things. They call them cam...cram....crem...what's the word? Oh yeah, cameras.

So anyway, here I am, just calmly chilling in a blanket, at peace for once. No students, no annoying yells of Leo.

 

And then they come and begin madly clicking away. They told me they would send the cute pictures of me to our relatives far, far, away.

I hope that they stay far, far, away. I don't need more humans.

Ahem.

As I said before, I am not cute.

NO.

Not cute.

So anyways, they woke me up with all the stupid flashing lights. I meowed at them to go away, but there primitive minds cannot understand such sophisticated language as the language of cats.

I mean, really, they all talk in different languages. There's a whole bunch of random, weird sounding languages. It would be smarter to use one language that everyone can understand. We cats are aristocratic, smart, beings, and we never fight against each other and believe we are all gods.

Hey!!!! Hey! Would you look at that? Come back here, thief!!!
That cat just stole my favourite blanket! Hey! Excuse me while I go fight him and get it back.

Leo, what were you saying about never fighting each other again?

Hey! Not your business, you rude pet.

The Great Philosopher,
Leo

My humans are ANNOYING.

Would you believe that my humans snipped off the ends of my claws? They say it is for my own good, but I can see right through it. Those cowards are scared of my godly might, as my claws are razor sharp and can slice through things like a chef knife through butter. They cut the sharp ends of my claws, "so I wouldn't get caught on chairs". Yeah, right. Cowardly idiots.

Mewl

While my pets were out for a walk, I created a book about me and my true (ahem) adventures around the globe. This is mandatory as I need more money to take care of my pets, what with all their reckless spending on clothing. Why don't they just grow fur like me? It's safe for the environment, and doesn't cost as much. I shall have to speak with them about this. Humans are insensitive, ungrateful morons. They should be honored to serve a wonderful, brave, amazing, super, awesome, independent, great, universally admired, adorable (bleh), diligent, proud, sociable, forgiving, kind, nice, rad, cool, sensible, creative, smart, compassionate, amusing, broad-minded, honest, handsome, intelligent, optimistic, polite, self-disciplined, thoughtful, humble, understanding, witty, loving, loyal, generous, fun, epic, patient, energetic, fearle--STOP WITH THE SELF-PRAISE ALREADY!!!!!

Excuse me, that was one of my rude pets interrupting my humble self-assessment.

So, anyway... 

Here is the first book of the wonderful new series, Leo's Books!

You should all be honored that I have allowed you an exclusive sneak peek.

Wait...is that a laser pointer I see?


-Leo

Arghhhhh!

I'm so mad! Meow! Meowmeowmeowmeow!

One of my humans(my pets) always has some random other humans coming over to MY house! I mean, who gave my pets the right to invite other filthy humans to my house! And the worst part is, they treat me like a toy! Yes, you heard me correctly, those idiots grab me and shake me and basically treat me like a pet! The nerve of them!

Now, I don't even like it when people start picking me up (well, there is one exception), but this was bordering on insolence! They grabbed me by my paws! Helloooooo! Personal space, please!

They dragged me around and petted me, but since I'm so good and kind, I didn't bite or scratch them. However, my patience is growing short. One day, they will take it too far and have to face my wrath!

They're back and dragging me around again, and saying what a cute cat I am.

Cute...cute...cute?!!!

I'm a self-respecting, independent, wise cat! I am most certainly NOT cute!

Just go away, all of you! A young cat like me needs his beauty sleep!

Meoooowwwww

Hello people, welcome to my blog, and all that. Now, let's get down to business.

You see that title of this blog? That is a lie. I repeat, a LIE! I am not old! I'm only 14 or 15 in human years. I'm only...84 years old! How is that even old? I'm such a young cat! I can jump 1 whole inch in the air. What cat can boast that?

And also, my fur is so handsome. I am ginger covered with darker spots down my back and a pure white underbelly. So much nicer than those other tabby and calico cats.

I live with my 3 pets/servants, but it'd be nicer alone. I mean, what part of meow don't you understand? I spent all day mewling by the food bowl today, but did one of them even think of refilling it? They put fish in it. I hate fish. What's wrong with good old chicken?  But noooo, they just stood around and yelled, "Leo, there's a ton of food in there. Eat it!" And I answered, "Fetch me chicken, stupid slave!" It finally crossed their primitive minds to give me delicious chicken.

And then, I realized I had BEEN FOOLED! They gave me stale, rotten, yesterday's leftover chicken, while THEY FEASTED ON BIG CHUNKS OF FRESH MEAT!!!!

But it doesn't stop there. 

Not only did they eat the fresh meat without even sparing their master a thought, they ruined it! They put the raw meat on a giant piece of metal and made it brown! They made it brown by using fire! It was horrible. I commanded them to immediately give me my giant share of the meat. The raw meat. They yelled for me to go away. Can you believe those insolent creatures?

I don't get why I had to do this. If it wasn't for my generosity, my humans would be freezing in the snow outside. Since I have such a big, kind, wonderful heart, I allowed them to stay in my house and be my pets. They are so insolent, abusing my kindness like that.

Well, I must leave now. It seems those obnoxious idiots need my help once more, they are yelling LEO at the top of their voices.

-Leo

P.S-Since I am too sophisticated for insignificant, primitive computers, I have upgraded one of my other more loyal pets to be my secretary.