Clumsy Idiotic Idiots

Can you believe this? This is going too far! My servants begged me to allow them to invite a few people. Well, being the nice cat I am, I allowed them.

You want to invite them AGAIN? Ugh, fine. Just this once.

So they came.

And not only did they come, but they didn't pay any attention to me! THE MASTER OF THE HOUSE!!! 

And that's not the worst part. Not by far.

When they were leaving, I, Leo, the cat of cats, the cat that cats only wish they could be, the great, benevolent, amazing, kind cat, master of the house, adopter of my servants, ACTUALLY GOT UP AND CAME TO THE DOOR TO ESCORT THEM, because I am so nice.

Guess what they did?



THEY. STEPPED. ON. ONE. OF. THE ROYAL PAWS!!!!!
 And they had the insolence to yell at me for being in their way!! Even though I went through all that trouble just to escort them!!

That is the last time I will ever allow any guests in my house!

Insolent idiotic clumsy idiots!

-Leo

Those insolent beings tested my patience twice today. TWICE.

 CAN YOU BELIEVE THE OUTRAGEOUS MANNER THEY ARE BEHAVING IN?


I was just picking up the newspaper to read today when they grabbed it from me, saying "Leo, don't bite the newspaper!"

And I said, "I'm not biting it! I'm picking it up!!"

Then one particularly insolent pet began pretending to read it, even though they can't read.

But I got my revenge.

Now, let me warn you, I'm normally a very nice and forgiving cat, but today they drove me crazy! I got so mad, I unsheathed my claws, leaped through the air, and landed, hissing, onto the insolent pet's face.

It got so scared, it dropped the newspaper, and I quickly picked it up and went back to my armchair by the fire.

Here's me:

I get the best armchair because I'm the master of the house.

Ugh, now they're yelling at me to get up.

I must go now to let those gormless idiots know I will decide where and when I will sit.
-Leo

EVIL STALKERS, And A Word From the Great Philosopher Leo.

These people are stalkers. The one time I was at peace with the world, they come with their mad, black, clicking things. They call them cam...cram....crem...what's the word? Oh yeah, cameras.

So anyway, here I am, just calmly chilling in a blanket, at peace for once. No students, no annoying yells of Leo.

 

And then they come and begin madly clicking away. They told me they would send the cute pictures of me to our relatives far, far, away.

I hope that they stay far, far, away. I don't need more humans.

Ahem.

As I said before, I am not cute.

NO.

Not cute.

So anyways, they woke me up with all the stupid flashing lights. I meowed at them to go away, but there primitive minds cannot understand such sophisticated language as the language of cats.

I mean, really, they all talk in different languages. There's a whole bunch of random, weird sounding languages. It would be smarter to use one language that everyone can understand. We cats are aristocratic, smart, beings, and we never fight against each other and believe we are all gods.

Hey!!!! Hey! Would you look at that? Come back here, thief!!!
That cat just stole my favourite blanket! Hey! Excuse me while I go fight him and get it back.

Leo, what were you saying about never fighting each other again?

Hey! Not your business, you rude pet.

The Great Philosopher,
Leo

Arghhhhh!

I'm so mad! Meow! Meowmeowmeowmeow!

One of my humans(my pets) always has some random other humans coming over to MY house! I mean, who gave my pets the right to invite other filthy humans to my house! And the worst part is, they treat me like a toy! Yes, you heard me correctly, those idiots grab me and shake me and basically treat me like a pet! The nerve of them!

Now, I don't even like it when people start picking me up (well, there is one exception), but this was bordering on insolence! They grabbed me by my paws! Helloooooo! Personal space, please!

They dragged me around and petted me, but since I'm so good and kind, I didn't bite or scratch them. However, my patience is growing short. One day, they will take it too far and have to face my wrath!

They're back and dragging me around again, and saying what a cute cat I am.

Cute...cute...cute?!!!

I'm a self-respecting, independent, wise cat! I am most certainly NOT cute!

Just go away, all of you! A young cat like me needs his beauty sleep!

Meoooowwwww

Hello people, welcome to my blog, and all that. Now, let's get down to business.

You see that title of this blog? That is a lie. I repeat, a LIE! I am not old! I'm only 14 or 15 in human years. I'm only...84 years old! How is that even old? I'm such a young cat! I can jump 1 whole inch in the air. What cat can boast that?

And also, my fur is so handsome. I am ginger covered with darker spots down my back and a pure white underbelly. So much nicer than those other tabby and calico cats.

I live with my 3 pets/servants, but it'd be nicer alone. I mean, what part of meow don't you understand? I spent all day mewling by the food bowl today, but did one of them even think of refilling it? They put fish in it. I hate fish. What's wrong with good old chicken?  But noooo, they just stood around and yelled, "Leo, there's a ton of food in there. Eat it!" And I answered, "Fetch me chicken, stupid slave!" It finally crossed their primitive minds to give me delicious chicken.

And then, I realized I had BEEN FOOLED! They gave me stale, rotten, yesterday's leftover chicken, while THEY FEASTED ON BIG CHUNKS OF FRESH MEAT!!!!

But it doesn't stop there. 

Not only did they eat the fresh meat without even sparing their master a thought, they ruined it! They put the raw meat on a giant piece of metal and made it brown! They made it brown by using fire! It was horrible. I commanded them to immediately give me my giant share of the meat. The raw meat. They yelled for me to go away. Can you believe those insolent creatures?

I don't get why I had to do this. If it wasn't for my generosity, my humans would be freezing in the snow outside. Since I have such a big, kind, wonderful heart, I allowed them to stay in my house and be my pets. They are so insolent, abusing my kindness like that.

Well, I must leave now. It seems those obnoxious idiots need my help once more, they are yelling LEO at the top of their voices.

-Leo

P.S-Since I am too sophisticated for insignificant, primitive computers, I have upgraded one of my other more loyal pets to be my secretary.